Swingers For Beginners

When you go to the party, don't be a wallflower. Wear something as sexy and daring as you can and still feel comfortable. Don't feel pressured, but maybe let yourself feel free to explore a side of you that you usually keep hidden.

Many newcomers are shy, and a good host will try to draw them out, but sometimes they miss someone. There is usually a "social hour" before the fun starts. Use the time to chat with your fellow party goers, get to know them as people. Our hosts had an "icebreaker" at the end of the social hour where all the guys lined up opposite the girls and everybody introduced themselves to the person opposite them and hugged (or kissed or whatever they felt comfortable with). Then the guys shifted one position to the left and repeated until every girl had met every guy. It was a nice way to make at least initial contact with everybody and you could get an idea of who might be interested by how they reacted.

If your party or club has a "group room," sometimes that can be a good place to start. A lot of times old friends will pair off early in a party, meeting people they've partied with before. A newcomer can feel a bit left out. But the group room isn't about pairing off, and is a great place to just watch if you're not ready to jump in yet. And who knows, you might just be inspired to join in! We started out watching, and when the group on the bed broke up to go get some food and drinks, Norman and I took over the now empty bed. Playing with your partner is familiar and comfortable; all you've added is the excitement that somebody might be watching. And sure enough, another couple came down and watched us for a while, then asked if they could join in. Norman still remembers the woman's beautiful celtic butterfly tattoo! The four of us had a great time.

The point is that most parties or clubs offer something for everyone. Relax, meet some new friends, have a good time, and maybe even join in the fun. Whatever you're comfortable with. And next time, you'll find you're dressing sexier, getting more assertive when it comes to finding someone to play with, and generally having an even better time. Each positive experience builds your confidence. And there is nothing sexier than self-confidence.

Several good friends in the LifeStyle; they are some of the most accepting, fun-loving folks we've ever known. It's not for everyone, but just maybe, it's for you. See you at a party soon?

Characteristics

Couples who jointly seek recreational sex with others while maintaining their emotional monogamy are most often called 'swingers'.

Swingers' sexual habits are typically characterised by partner-swapping, female bisexuality and group sex full penetrative sex, though common, is not essential male bisexuality is absent. All swinging couples have their own rules of sexual behaviour and these come in an infinite variety from the restrictive through the asymmetric to the relaxed.

Swingers find each other through contact advertisements in magazines, newspapers and on websites, via chatrooms and webcam interfaces on the Internet, and at swingers parties and clubs. Swinging is only part of the world of recreational sex, which also includes hard-core gay and lesbian activity, the bukkake scene, the bisexual male scene, the adult cinema scene and the more directly sex-orientated sides of the various sexual specialities usually more associated with merely risqué displays. Recreational sex has in turn a wide penumbra of socio-sexual recreation, covering the whole spectrum of fun in a more-than-usually-sexual context but not normally actual sex. Most fetish, rubber and BDSM activities, adult babies, pony-girls, etc. and much of the gay and lesbian worlds are part of this outer circle.

Swinging itself is internally diverse. Couples can prefer couples only scenes; mixed scenes; gang-bang scenes; a younger or smarter scene where this is available; party scenes; orgies; two-on-two scenes or 'dogging'. Among the more earnest the diversity extends even to the philosophical. Christian swingers, for example, are among those who prefer the term 'polyamory' which they feel gives due emphasis to the emotional dimension of the style of swinging they favour. In Toronto there is an (anonymous) clergyman who claims to have been a swinger for years.

Demography

Swinging is an enthusiasm that crosses social, economic, political and religious boundaries. The existence of a Christian swingers organisation in the USA is not as surprising as one might suppose (though they seem aware of the irony of their position).

Up to 90% of swingers identify with a religion and up to 47% regularly attend their place of worship. More recent research has suggested lower levels of religious attachment that nevertheless are still higher than the norm. US swingers tend to be Republicans, middle to upper-middle class, middle-aged and (over 90%) white. They are less racist, less sexist and uphold traditional relationship roles less than the population at large, though they place the same importance on marriage and family life.The incidence of disturbed family backgrounds (a charge levied by critics of swinging) is lower than average. This is not a subculture of the ghettos or the caravan parks.

The situation in Britain is not identical. There has been no research. In the absence of hard figures, from my own 8 years of experience I perceive that an earlier predominance of the late-middle aged and C2s among British swingers has abated. A substantial growth in the number of participants has brought with it a more balanced profile across ages, income and social background. In particular, economically successful couples in their thirties and aspirational something graduates have begun swinging in considerable numbers. An analysis of couples advertising in Desire Contact magazine, 38 Britain's leading swingers contact publication, found an average age of (men, women) with only 15% over , 26% under and 59% in their 40s. The Guardian has suggested there are between 500,000 and 1m swingers in the UK. The Internet has vectored this minor social revolution.

Perceived benefits

"Any attempt to redefine "love" and strengthen the marital bond is worthy of our attention. If swingers have found a way to stabilize relationships, prolong family ties, and enrich the lives of couples we would be remiss if we did not take their lifestyle and their redefinition of monogamous love seriously."

It is not claimed for swinging that is appropriate for every relationship or even a large percentage of them. What is claimed is that it benefits or at least brings harmless enjoyment to a proportionately small but numerically large minority of couples. Estimates for the proportion of couples in the US who have included something that can be described as swinging at some point in their relationship vary from 1% to 15%.

Although sexual promiscuity is posited as the antithesis of emotional fidelity in the western romantic tradition, swingers maintain that joint experiences of recreational sex enhance their sexual and emotional bonds. By openly acknowledging their individual desires for sexual variety and pursuing these needs together, swingers claim to obviate the usual sources of deceit, betrayal and guilt in relationships. These destructive impulses, they say, are replaced with a deeper understanding and a higher plane of trust.

At the heart of a strong swinging relationship is not sex at all; rather, there is the openness, trust, and communication necessary to both talk openly about desires and fantasies and to act on them within the bounds of commitment."