The Thrill of Sexual Fantasy

Sexual fantasies may involve having sex in a public place or with a friend's partner, or even violence and rape. Women may have 'fantasy sex' with several men at once, while men's fantasies may show an inclination towards the extremes of virgins or prostitutes.

Fantasy and Guilt

Fantasies can provoke guilt or fear. For example, a woman who 'dreams' about making love to another woman may fear she is a lesbian, while a man who 'dreams' about a prostitute may feel he is betraying his wife.

Some people convince themselves that they may act out such fantasies in real life, or even that they are mentally ill. But the world famous Kinsey Institute, in the US, which pioneered academic research into sexual behaviour more than 50 years ago, says: 'It is easy to understand why some people might feel guilt and concern about their fantasies. Nevertheless, having any particular fantasy is, by itself, generally not seen as an indication that a person has a psychological problem or personality disorder'.

Resolving Internal Conflicts

Sexual fantasies may have a healthy stabilising effect. 'Fantasies perform a valuable function. Most of us, most of the time, behave conservatively, sexually and otherwise. Our erotic experiences represent only the tip of the iceberg in terms of possibilities. Many possibilities only see the light of day through fantasies or dreams, seldom as reality.

In other words, fantasies help to bridge the gap between our hidden urges and the way we're expected to behave. They are, according to this view, a safety valve allowing us to express thoughts which, if put into practice, would scandalise civilised society. They help us to strike a vital balance between what is possible and what is permissible.

Sexual Activities

As you may probably guess there are many sexual activities involved with swinging, some may be common at most parties, but others may normally only be at a specially organised event to cater for that particular fetish.

-Bisexuality: Bisexuality are people of the same gender interacting. This is much more common between women than men, but it does not mean every woman may indulge in it. Bisexuality between men is extremely rare in the swinging community, and is usually frowned upon if not organised prior, and is usually preferred in a separate area.

-Couple to couple: This is, by far the most popular, and really is the heart and soul of the swinging life style. One couple pairing up with another, after an exchange of partners, the couples usually continue sexual activity within close proximity to each other, i.e. within the same room or the same bed, probably interacting in such as way that it becomes a foursome, or group sex.

-Extreme culture: These include things such as spanking, bondage, sado/masochism and water sports(urination). The majority of these are very uncommon at most swingers parties unless the hosts have chosen a theme for the night, in which case you may be notified well before the night of the party.

-Groups (Orgies): Usually defined by a group of 4 or more people interacting sexually, most commonly, as described above; two couples, although it may be any sex of four or more people.

-Threesomes: Threesomes are most common for couples just starting out; it is the most common method of starting in the lifestyle. A lot of couples may carry on with threesomes long after they have fully integrated in to the lifestyle. In threesomes, all three people may interact, or two people may interact with the other.

-Voyeurism: This is when you watch others perform sexual activities. This is normally welcome within the group area, but not in the private areas. Remember it is always polite to ask if people mind being watched.

What may I expect to get out of swinging?

Swinging may be erotic, exciting and fulfilling as you want it to be. It allows you to explore your favourite fantasies safely. You and your partner may engage in private, intimate sexual activity, share someone in a threesome, enjoy with another couple, or engage in group swinging, all in the space of an evening. You may make new friends, and meet interesting people. It may also enhance your personal life and relationship, it may give you a positive feeling about your self and your partner.

Swinging may be every bit as erotic, exciting and fulfilling as you both imagine it to be. You may explore many of your favourite fantasies safely. You and your partner may engage in private, intimate sexual activity, share your mate in a threesome, enjoy another couple, or engage in group swinging - all in one evening. You may both make new friends and meet interesting people. Swinging also has the potential of greatly enhancing your relationship and personal life. A positive feeling about yourself, your mate, and your relationship is important. Swinging is not for everyone however. People need to discuss between themselves factors including jealousy, self-esteem, or any relationship problems, prior to entering into the swinging lifestyle. If any of these things are of major concern to either person, then chances are you are not ready to enjoy the swinging lifestyle and all of its benefits. Always remember, swinging is to enhance your relationship, not to repair or rebuild it.

Swinging Suggestions

Stay together as much as you feel you need to, but do not hold onto one another like your life depended on it, or seem clingy, as this may make it more difficult for other couples to approach you.

As time goes on at the party there may be general disrobing. Only go as far as you want to and feel comfortable with. You may be accepted if you chose to remain fully clothed, although it is recommended that you try to include your self as much as possible, changing into something more revealing may help others include you and make you feel more involved.

Be honest with each other about your emotions. If you feel jealous of your partner, or have any other uncomfortable feelings then tell your partner, if you do not, they may only come out later and be much more awkward and damaging. Do not worry about asking your hosts or other guests questions, swingers are generally interested in meeting new people, and may help explain the lifestyle as much as possible.

If there is a hot tub or spa for instance, try to use it, being nude, close to other people with a valid reason may help you make new friends. Try as hard as you may to leave your inhibitions at home, both sexual and social. These may interfere with your swinging pleasure, you cant expect to get much out of a swingers party if your not prepared to put much in.

Do not pretend to be someone else, be friendly and good natured. A warm smile has a positive effect on every body.

Swinging Questions

Could swinging destroy a relationship or marriage?

The simplest answer is no, it can't. However, for relationships on thin ice, it could be, ie the straw that brakes the camels back. Swinging should not be seena as a way to fix a failing relationship; think of it more for couples with good relationships that want to experiment and have fun.

Swinging is it always just sex!

Most swinging may involve sex, but it isn't just about sex. Swinging is also about an atmosphere of warmth and belonging. You may be interacting socially as well, be it at a party, with another couple, or person for a threesome, you may be drinking, chatting, and maybe eating each other getting to know others is almost a pre requisite before engaging in sexual activities.